Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
