I wannas sexs uuuuu
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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