Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think i got beer on your cat.
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