She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
