if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
