i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
