literally had 100 drinks last night.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
