Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
