My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
