I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
