Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
BRING THE BAGELS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
