im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
