i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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