it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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