I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
