Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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