I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
