Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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