...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
