The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
