Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
