Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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