Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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