I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
