apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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