I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
