The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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