She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
