I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
