I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
