love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How does one acquire holy water?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
