I just pynch a tree in the face
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
