Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
