Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
