He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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