We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
