i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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