If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
