one might say we're banned from that church
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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