i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she told me i tasted like america
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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