i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
