party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
