i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
