We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
