Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
