I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
