shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need water and some morals
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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