There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
