This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
