She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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