He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
